


A Good Friend.

by serenbach



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M, Pining, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-09
Updated: 2012-06-09
Packaged: 2017-11-07 09:56:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/429723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenbach/pseuds/serenbach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’d never been made so miserable by a compliment before. One-sided Sebastian/Hawke</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Good Friend.

When Sebastian first overheard the latest gossip being eagerly discussed by Varric and Isabela - that Fenris and Hawke spent the night together, and that Fenris had walked out on her right afterwards - his first thought was not _how could he do that to her_ but _how could she do that to **me?**_

It was an ungracious thought, unworthy of both himself and her. He had offered her no encouragement to consider pursuing a relationship other than friendship with him. He had been open about his vows, and what they meant. Sebastian had never even hinted at the pleasure he found in her company, whether accompanying her around Kirkwall and trying to keep her out of trouble, or all the times she called in unannounced to visit him in the Chantry, where they talked about everything and nothing together, sometimes for hours at a time.

He had certainly never let on that he lived for her smile and that her laugh made something inside him _ache_. He would never tell her that sometimes he had to literally sit on his hands so that he wouldn’t brush that errant lock of hair out of her eyes, or worse, draw her face towards his so he could kiss that smiling mouth of hers. And he would rather die than tell her about all those dreams that he had to repent of come morning. 

It was entirely unfair of him to expect her to know of the feelings he so carefully hid from her. But still, the thought of Fenris with her, touching and kissing her in the way that he wanted to, but couldn’t, twisted like a knife in his gut.

He was jealous. Another sin that he needed to confess.

When Hawke came into the Chantry the next morning, he had still not quite prepared himself to face her. But the dark shadows under her eyes and her down-turned mouth reached out to him, both as a brother, and as her friend. She was suffering, and he wanted to make it stop for her. 

He quickly agreed to accompany her to the Wounded Coast to track down some slavers, but she hesitated afterwards, lingering in the way that he had learned meant she had something on her mind.

“Do you need to… talk?” he offered, ignoring the ache in his chest as he spoke.

“You heard about Fenris and me, then?” she asked with an unhappy laugh. She smiled, though it was barely a shadow of the ones that usually graced her face. “I know you mean well, Sebastian, but I really don’t want to talk about it. I read more into it than there was, simple as that.”

She loved him, Sebastian realised in painful surprise. It was obvious now that he actually thought about it and assembled all the clues he had wilfully ignored. However, despite the personal pang that this revelation caused him, he still seethed protectively on her behalf.

Hawke read it on his face, and laughed, more genuinely this time. “Come on, Seb, you can’t tell me that you never broke any hearts in your bad-boy days.”

He blushed and spluttered, but couldn’t be too angry when he saw how it lightened her mood. Still, he resolved to have a discussion with Fenris as soon as they returned.

\----

Fenris hadn’t answered his knock on the door or his call in the foyer, but that was not unusual. Sebastian, however, didn’t expect to see Fenris sitting motionless by the fire, unaware and uncaring of his approach. 

He was holding a bottle of wine, but Sebastian could see that it had hardly been touched, and there were no other empty bottles littering the floor. So the fact that Fenris’ eyes were bloodshot could not be attributed to alcohol. The urge he had to berate him faded abruptly. 

“I want to be alone,” Fenris said dully, not looking at him. 

Sebastian sat on the chair next to him anyway. “I saw Hawke today,” he began carefully.

Fenris’ fingers tightened on the neck of the wine bottle, and his eyes closed in something like pain. 

“She thinks you don’t care,” he continued, ignoring the lump in his throat. “But you do, don’t you?”

Fenris didn’t answer, but he didn’t need to. It was clear enough to Sebastian. He loved her too, even if he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, express it. 

Even though the lump in his throat had only got worse, Sebastian sat with him in silence, both of their minds on the same woman. He knew that his personal feelings towards Hawke didn’t matter. Sooner or later, Fenris would find his way back to her, and she would welcome him with open arms.

Sebastian would just have to get used to the aching in his chest. He had already missed his chance. 

\----

After they had defeated Danarius, Sebastian headed over to his old mansion to see Fenris. He knew that his sister’s betrayal had hit him hard and expected that he would need to talk, or at least want some company while he drank. This had happened with irregular frequency since the first time he had witnessed Fenris’ anguish about his feelings for Hawke. 

What he hadn’t expected, but should have, was that Hawke had beaten him there, and that evidently, the conversation between the two of them had gone very well. Sebastian had watched over the last few years as the distance faded between them, although they were never quite comfortable around each other. There was always an undercurrent of awareness between them, a tension that Sebastian knew from past experience would only end one way. 

He knew that, and yet it surprised him to see Hawke lying naked in front of the fire, the flickering light making her skin glow and hair shine. He paused at the doorway, unable to take his eyes from the sight of her breasts, heaving with her rapid breaths. Fenris bent his head to her chest, sucking her nipple between his lips. Her back arched, and her fingers tangled in his hair, holding him to her chest. 

The moan she let out caused him to harden in his trousers, but also snapped him out of his voyeuristic daze. He slipped out of the mansion as quietly as he could, hoping that the walk back to the Chantry would rid him of his erection. But entering his private space, the location of so many hastily stifled fantasies, only made it worse.

He had pictured her body so many times, imagined the noises she would make in the lonely hours before dawn, but knowing for sure was so much _worse_. It was so easy to picture himself in Fenris’ place, suckling at her breasts and burying his head between her thighs, causing that delicious moan again and again until she cried out his name. 

He could imagine her legs wrapped around his hips as he thrust again and again and again until they both cried out in climax. 

He spent himself in his hand, an empty release without pleasure. He had always pictured her wrapped drowsily in his arms afterwards, content and glowing, murmuring her love for him in his ear, and he knew (had always known, but seeing it for himself was different) that was never going to happen. 

Hawke didn’t know of his feelings for her, so she didn’t think to hide her happiness the next time she came into the Chantry to ask for his aid. He agreed, as he always had, keeping his voice steady for her. He listened as she chatted away to him about the important events that had occurred since they had last seen each other.

“I talked to Fenris,” she confessed to him, not in the way she would to a priest, but as she would to a friend. “We’re really together now.”

He forced a smile. “I’m happy for you, Hawke,” he lied. It was yet another thing for him to confess later.

“You’re a good friend, Sebastian,” she smiled.

He’d never been made so miserable by a compliment before.


End file.
